First Month on the Hot Mess Express

Week 4 of hybrid school is complete. People ask me, “Is it getting better?” Without hesitating, I answer, “No.”

I have little faith that this situation will ever get better. Just imagine being in two places at once, using technology that is unfamiliar, questioning your every decision, predicting the outcome for every assignment, and still trying to bring some joy of learning to 90 teenagers. It is an impossible situation.

At the beginning of each school year, teachers put in many overtime hours for which we are never compensated. We recognize that and still do it, but usually by week 4, we can take a deep breath and relax a little. Not in 2020.

Two weekends ago, I worked 10 hours preparing to be out the following Friday. I had planned a weekend at the beach with my friends that would make up for the Alaskan cruise Covid took from us. This weekend, I will work at least 10 hours grading all the work I had to assign so I could miss one day. Is that how every weekend will be? Most of my colleagues do the same thing. We can’t keep up this pace.

“Just don’t assign the work. Then you won’t have to grade it.” That would be swell, but teaching doesn’t work like that. Parents are quick to judge and condemn if the rigor of our classes isn’t there. My students can’t afford to “waste” a day since we are already a week behind our college partner. The students have to take standardized tests to decide if we are teaching the standards. We can’t take time off.

Now about parents – I have the best parents ever mainly because they leave me alone. They must trust me to teach their kids to write. I don’t know. Maybe it’s my old age and experience, but I’m lucky. Some of my colleagues aren’t. In some Zoom classes, parents are watching, listening and recording to find reasons to complain about what/how the teacher is handling the class.  One teacher used a short clip from a program on NPR to add to her lesson. A parent complained that the teacher was using the class as her own political platform. So much for adding current events to a lesson. I value parental input but right now, we don’t need an arm-chair quarterback or back-seat driver.

Now about the students – They are phenomenal. I can’t say often enough how great mine are. They are attentive and get their work done, mostly on time. I know I’m blessed because my students are more mature (seniors) and smart (dual enrollment). I often remind them that they chose to be in this class; therefore, I expect a lot from them. My Zoomers are very understanding of my lack of maneuvering all the screen shares and internet glitches. After I had a heart-to-heart with my students about my insecurities, I got the sweetest text from a Zoomer.

Like I said, I’m blessed because most of my students are just like this person. However, many of my friends have the opposite with their students. Some students haven’t attended Zoom classes but a couple of times because of connectivity issues, imagined or real. Teachers have been Zoom hacked by anonymous people logging in using very inappropriate names which might be visible to the other students. Some hackers have gotten into classes and played explicit songs or yelled profanities before being removed from the group.

Now that we are 4 weeks in, people are getting sick. I have several students who are quarantined at home because of a positive test or exposure. Covid is encroaching, and it’s only a matter of time before more kids/teachers get sick. We all know it’s coming and that’s the dark cloud that hangs over any pleasure of being in the classroom.

The days are not fun anymore. I like my students, but I don’t know them. I wouldn’t recognize any of them because I see only their eyes or an image on a screen. I try to find joy in little things, like the student who wore a marquee mask, but those little things don't lessen the constant worry or the daily tears my colleagues cry at the beginning of each day. 

It's not getting any better. 

Week One -- DONE!

Week one is done!

Many tears were shed by teachers and students alike. Even I cried, and I don’t cry often.  I’ve got good medication. I didn’t cry in front of the students, so I guess that’s a win.

Finally Friday! What a week!

I always say that a teacher has basically three jobs – plan, teach, grade.  I have always been able to do two of the three at once. Rarely do I get all three in sync, but when it does happen, all is right with the world. Over 39 years, I’ve gotten my course curriculum planned to perfection. I give my students a syllabus for the entire semester with due dates, test dates, etc. I am so proud of that calendar. I have also been in front of a class so long that my delivery of material is spot-on. I tell the same stories and crack the same jokes. Grading always slowed the process.  I never look forward to spending my weekend grading and commenting on 100 essays on the same topic. But I do it.

This year, I would love to have the old 3-part job back. Now instead of three things a teacher has to do, there are at least 4 more. Now I watch the face-to-face (f2f) kids and interact with them, making sure they are paying attention to my all-important lesson. At the same time, I watch the Zoomers to make sure they are doing the same thing and not back in bed asleep while holding their phone. To get to this point with the Zoomers, I’ve had to connect a laptop to the TV because there’s no microphone on my desktop computer. I can screen share with Zoomers, but I can’t manipulate the TV screen (write on the TV) because the software isn’t on the laptop.

Zoomers can unmute if they have a question, but otherwise they are silent. Admin had an idea to wear earbuds so I can hear the Zoomers and talk to them all while hearing and talking to the f2f kids. The earbuds they said to buy didn’t work with the laptop they provided, but goodness, I already have too many voices in my head. I can’t add more. 

After one week, I saw few successes and oh so many failures. I try to be the best in front of my students if for no other reason than for them not to roll their eyes or laugh at me. Now I have to worry that they are recording me and sharing on social media. 

Many times this week, I asked myself why I was doing this again. I can survive without the part-time paycheck. I don’t need the insurance thanks to my late husband and the VA. I don’t need retirement benefits because I already have them. So why am I back in the classroom? It comes down to commitment. I made one to my principal and my coworkers. Now that I have been with them for a week, I am committed to my students. On day one, I assured them that even though things were very different, I am committed to getting them through this year so they get the high school and college credits they need. I emphasized that we are a team, that they chose to be in this class; therefore, they have to stay “in it to win it” as good coaches say. We have to do what is best for our team/class by staying in touch with me and staying healthy.

This year is going to require so much of teachers. You have no idea. Actually, I have no idea either. I’m just rolling on, one day at a time, trying to get a handle on all these many new parts of being a teacher.

Two ways to lessen stress -- Chick-fil-a peach milkshake and playing with a puppy!

Back-to-School Scaries Part Two

Three years ago, I wrote a post about going back to school.You can check it out here if you want, or I can give you a brief summary here. In it, I tell about the anxiety the beginning of the school year brings to teachers. We play all the scenarios in our heads of what the first day or week will be like. Will I get a bad group of kids? How many mistakes have I made on my syllabus? How will my own children handle school? 

The BTS Scaries are still here, but they look a little different this year.

In the past, I worried about what I would wear on the first day.I always wanted to look nice, somewhat stylish, and professional. This year, what I'm wearing ranks at the bottom of my worry list. After six months of quarantine, perceptions of teacher "professional attire" have changed. My administration asked that we not wear scrubs on the first day.They don't want the students to see us as medical professionals and become nervous, but after the first day, no one cares what we wear. I won't go as far as to wear scrubs, but I predict many days of jeans and school t-shirts. The constant addition to my wardrobe is a mask. I haven't decided about the face shield. 

I always over plan for the first day of school to make sure I have enough to fill the class period. I want the students to know from the beginning that time isn't wasted in my class. We work from bell to bell. This year, the class periods changed from 50 to 105 minutes. Some would say, "Just do two day's worth of instruction in that one day" but it doesn't work like that with young people. On the first day, I usually hand my students a syllabus detailing what we do in class every day/week for the entire semester. They know when every test will happen and when every essay is due. I was so proud that I could be that organized. This year, there is not a real syllabus.  I have a list of the major assignments and the weight each has on the grade, but I have no clue when they will happen. I do have the first week planned. This year, I will be one day ahead of the students. I hate operating like this after 39 years in front of students. 

My biggest worry (besides Covid) this year is technology. In an effort to get all the classes operating in the same online platform, we now use Canvas to share our lessons, lectures, assignments and tests with the students.  Everyone is on the same page. Yeah, right! It will take a year to learn this new way, and I'm hopeful that it will make life easier in the long run. Presently, I spend too much time in front of the computer making modules and then having to remember to publish them so the students have access. On the first day, I'm pretty confident that I have done something wrong and the whole class will be wasted. 

Of course, there are "those teachers" who have gotten all creative with Canvas. They have beautiful home pages with bitmojis and virtual classrooms that look just like their room at school. Not me. My home page has a banner and buttons because my young colleague and her husband made them for me. Thanks, Michelle and Will. My home page will look like this for the rest of my teaching career. 

Tomorrow will be the beginning of year 40 as a teacher for me. I look forward to building relationships with my students and seeing them become better writers. Going back to school brings challenges because of the change in routine and the fear of the unknown. This year, I'm once again drawing on that AA mantra "one day at a time" but this year, the words have a whole new meaning.

Stay safe! 

Teaching in a Covid World

It’s been a minute since I have written a post for Pass the Honey. Actually, it’s been over two years.  I didn’t feel like I had anything worth writing about, or at least I didn’t feel that my thoughts were worthy of someone’s time.

I’m not going to go into all of the events of the last six months.  I’m sure you know all about Covid-19, the pandemic, hand washing, mask wearing and social distancing.  I don’t want to beat that dead horse. What you may want to read about is the latest controversy coming out of the pandemic – going back to school.  On that, I am an expert.

I’ve been a teacher for 40 years and have experienced so many events on global and local levels with my students – refugees from Vietnam and Hurricane Katrina, the HIV/AIDS panic, terrorist activities, space shuttles exploding, civil unrest, etc. We have shared suicides/deaths of classmates and teachers, break-ups of families, unwanted pregnancies, incarcerations, etc. In all these tragedies and changes, I felt that I was one person the students looked to for answers or comfort when life went awry. We, as a team, worked through the problems together while also trying to learn the correct uses of the comma.  My job was to listen, reflect, point toward a brighter future and move on with the lesson. This is when I’d quote Scarlett O’Hara from Gone with the Wind – “Tomorrow is another day!”

Life is different now. I don’t know if I can pull off the team concept of working together with my students to face this latest devil.  I’m overwhelmed with having to learn all new technology and curriculum for teaching in person and online – synchronous, they call it. I’ll have my students sitting in front of me wearing masks (I hope), waiting for me to connect via Zoom to the kids at home. All of them will look for me to guide them through their senior English class, but we will be cognizant of maintaining our 6-foot bubble which is impossible in my classroom. Every day, we will be waiting for the notice to “retreat to home” for remote learning.

My colleagues are facing impossible odds. We cry multiple times daily. We bitch about having to teach some automated curriculum so we will all be at the same pace when we “retreat to home.” We now must fill 105 minutes of class time instead of 50 so our pacing is totally off. We have little faith in our leaders because we don’t know who to trust with our lives. We feel like sacrificial lambs being led to the slaughter of ourselves, our students or our family members. We have a doomsday outlook because we know the technology will fail given that we teach in a school that is over 100 years old. The Wi-Fi never worked in the past, and it certainly won’t now with every student sucking up the signal. We anticipate fielding many complaints from parents because their kid isn’t getting a quality education.

Every day, I count my blessings; I have many and I’m grateful. I follow rules and laws. I do my best to be a good citizen and person. I also try to find a way to be positive through terrible events. I have faith that God knows what He is doing, and I hope that we will come out of this ok. My colleagues and I are going to do our best and hope that parents will be patient. But honestly, right now I’d love to tell Scarlett O’Hara to shut the hell up.