There’s an ongoing joke among
my group of mothers of special needs adults. Whenever one of us does something
to volunteer our time and effort, we say, “You’re such a good mom.” I mean it
when I say this. I tell them when I notice that they bring water
for our athletes, are in charge of a sport, or take their kids across town in
the freezing weather to play flag football for an hour. I tell them this because
I am far from one of these good moms when it comes to giving of my time.
When Drew was born almost 27
years ago, I became an expert on Down syndrome. I went to early intervention, to therapies (speech, physical, occupational), and to doctors. I even returned to
college and got certified in Specific Learning Disabilities to learn more about
special education. Inclusion was the
buzzword in education, so we included Drew in community t-ball, church
activities, and other “typical” events. During his first ten or so years, I had
lots of enthusiasm and desire.
A young volunteer at Special Olympics tennis on Apr. 5, 2014 |
While on my journey, I met some
very generous people -- volunteers. These people gave up their Saturdays to
coach a kid who may never hit a tennis ball or get a ball in a basket. They
spent their entire weekend taking kids on camping trips, and these volunteers
kept coming back. They organized the book fair, Mother’s Day tea, and dances.
These people are truly gifts from God.
When Drew was young, I wanted
to be one of these people so I volunteered. I worked with little devils during
Bible school; taught Sunday school; and sold candy, magazines, and wrapping
paper. I rallied the troops by getting my high school students to volunteer at
fall festivals and Special Olympics.
I was a good volunteer but
definitely not a great one. I always felt lacking compared to some of the awesome ones I dealt with. When Drew was about 15 or so, I figured out why I wasn’t a great
volunteer – I was tired. I realized that many of the volunteers usually helped
with only one sport a year, one prom, or one or two Bible schools. Because I had a special needs child, these
activities continued for a longer time. For example, Drew started going to the
annual prom when he was 16. Since he stayed in school until he was 22, he went
to six proms. He is still invited to his school’s prom until he’s 30. Most
typical kids are lucky if they go to one prom.
Drew with his gold medal for Special Olympics state tennis competition in 2013. This is one of approximately 30 medals he has won in the past 15+ years. |
Drew is a natural athlete and
loves sports. Through Special Olympics, he is involved throughout the year in
bowling, basketball, and tennis and has been since he was 9. Through the
Florida Disabled Outdoors Association, he plays baseball and basketball during the
fall and summer. I am proud of my son because he is passionate about sports and
has won many ribbons and medals, and I take him to all of these events;
therefore, I have been a soccer mom for almost 20 years.
For better or worse, I have learned
to limit my involvement. I am never in charge of anything, but I’ll do
something if asked. I don’t volunteer to organize a social event, but they can
have it at my house. I sit in my car during most sporting events grading papers
or taking a nap, and we usually leave before ribbons are given out.
I admire all of the
volunteers. I never leave an event without thanking them. I never complain
about the way one of these people organizes an event because I know that I don’t
want his or her job. I also respect the other moms because of their love and commitment for their child.
I used to feel guilty about
not being a good mom or a great volunteer, but I rationalized it by telling
myself that I had a job, other kids at home, a house to clean, etc. Now, I tell myself that I’ll give more of my time and talents when I retire, but I’m not sure if I will. I accept that I am ok with not being one of these good moms or great volunteers. I’m the best
one I can or want to be, and that seems to be good enough for Drew.
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